We're creatures of habit. When we eat fast food, we frequently go to the same place, a sort of "fast food monogamy" if you will… I'm in the car A LOT, and so I eat fast food A LOT. And I don't always get the chance to clean out the car. I feel funny saying it now, but I get all awkward if I'm going through a drive-thru with another restaurant's day-old cup in my cupholder.
I start throwing it on the floorboard while I'm ordering… Trying to push it under the seat or cover it up with a newspaper or a jacket… I wonder what the conversation would be like if the window person cared…
McDonald's Drive-Thru Window Person (MDTWP): Here's your drink and your debit card, sir—oh…
Me: That stuff on the floor, that's nothing... That's just trash…
MDTWP: Uh-huh. Sure…
Me: No, really… My wife used the car last. Maybe it was—
MDTWP: Save it. I know you've been to other restaurants. I've just been fooling myself for so long… God, I've been so STUPID!
Me: No! It's not like that.
MDTWP: I knew you'd been lying… Like when you went out with the guys and "just happened" to end up at that food court at the mall. All those hot foods out showing what they've got. No wrappers or anything. Just a sneeze guard. And you and your friends and a handful of dollar bills!
Me: It was disgusting. I thought of you the whole time. The only reason I didn't leave right then was cause I didn't drive—
MDTWP: You could've called a cab! And I saw you at the Hardee's across the street, just yesterday! I tried to tell myself it wasn't you, but there's the straw! Right there in your floorboard!
Me: Wait. Let me expl—
MDTWP: I saw! You didn't even use your debit card! There was no purchase protection or anything! God knows what you could've caught from their change…
Me: I didn't get change, it was—
MDTWP: You gave her exact change! You never give ME exact change… And is that a kid's meal toy in the back seat? That's not one of ours...!
Me: I, uh… I one of the neighbor's kids must've… Oh, fuck it! Yes! I've been to other drive-thru's alright?
MDTWP: And you took the kids! How could you!
Me: Oh, get off it! You're just not enough! I need some variety once in awhile. A little bit of strange, you know?
MDTWP: Gasp! But I've always been here for you!
Me: Yeah… You're always here. And it's always the same! Sometimes I want it a little different, you know? A little freaky. So I go to Burger King. You know—My way, right away!
MDTWP: You bastard!
Me: Sometimes I want a chalupa. Sometimes fish. Sometimes just someone else's burger, you know? Or a coney dog! Or a milkshake made with real ice cream!
MDTWP: I never want to see you again!
Me: Fine. You're not the only McDonald's in town…
MDTWP: You wouldn't!
Me: Like hell I wouldn't. Now hurry up with my ketchup before the fries get cold…
Yeah… I bet it would probably be something like that. I think I need to find a camera and a drive thru, and shoot this one...